I hate to admit this. But I feel my eyes want to burst with tears. I feel that I have failed! Miserably!
I failed my family who looked up to me and thought I had the perfect marriage.
I failed my children because I wasn’t able to resolve my issues with their mother
I failed my wife, because I wasn’t everything she ever hoped for
But I regret the most that I have failed myself, in achieving the happiness I thought I would get. The warmth of a family that I prayed and worked so hard to achieve, and failed in finding the love and understanding that I always looked for
Looking in my children’s eyes, it’s easier for me to die than break the news for them. It’s easier to pull out both eyes, than shatter their safe, secure, warm little world!
I’m deadlocked! I have no idea what to do, where to go, or what to say … I tried my in-laws and that blew up in my face! I don’t know what else to do
Oh god, take my eyes, take my arms, take my feet, take my soul .. but don’t allow my children to go through this. I beg you lord.. I beg you my lord
11 Comments
July 9, 2007 at 7:20 am
this post acknowledges that you surrendered to failure.
i really want you to ask yourself this thing and be truthful because no one will know it better.
did you start this blog to make it a proof that you tried your best when your marriage gets to the failure point? the point you saw before you even started this blog? really, think of it.
do you need people’s support to push you into divorce?
i hope your answer is no. if its predetermined in your head, then its over. not the in-laws , none in the world would take out the subject from your and your wife’s hands. you are grown ups. stand on your feet and be objective and think. take the divorce option into consideration, 3adi, study it, it could be the best solution. maybe. i hope not.
my advice to you, is take a vacation and go to place without internet, family, friends, somewhere totally new to you, relax, relax and relax,,, then think.
now, any decision you make is biased and you are very much incapable of proper thinking. you need ice now, no more discussions and flammable items.
July 9, 2007 at 7:31 am
a good thing to do, leave the kids at your in laws or your parents, each of you should take a vacation for a week or two, at separate places, without external influence and each should study the divorce idea and evaluate yourselves and after the vacation you would have reached to some common agreement to stay or quit.
July 9, 2007 at 9:11 am
I don’t know if you’re paying attention. She just came back from a 3 month vacation at the in laws!
July 9, 2007 at 11:51 am
a vacation at her parents is influential enough and i think negatively charges her. and as i told you before, if she left and she is not on good terms with you, dont expect her to come back all forgiving, pain turn to heart hardening coldness and even could develop to hatred.
suggest the idea, send the kids for some grandparents fun. you guys take some rest. and hopefully you both with your sanity again..
July 9, 2007 at 1:25 pm
you are convinced with divorce aren’t you?
July 9, 2007 at 3:15 pm
“Oh god, take my eyes, take my arms, take my feet, take my soul .. but don’t allow my children to go through this. I beg you lord.. I beg you my lord” = No … I don’t want a divorce! I’m willing to exchange my life and not have a divorce!
July 9, 2007 at 8:41 pm
there is a huge difference in attitude when you say
“Oh god, take my eyes, take my arms, take my feet, take my soul .. but don’t allow my children to go through this. I beg you lord.. I beg you my lord” which applies that divorce is an option that has high chances, and its where your mind is. you are thinking of reacting to failure instead of solving the prob.
and when you say “No … I don’t want a divorce! I’m willing to exchange my life and not have a divorce!” which is not hesitant, affirmative and doesn’t make you think twice. you are not going into divorce. fullstop.
you know what you want, no need for emotional disturbance now. i just wanted to hear it straight from you. you took more that i thought. its hard, it might never get any harder, but be wise, nagging and begging is not the way out. take a rest.
if she has been away for 3 months and had a fight before she went and you didn’t settle it down and left her angry with you and making clear that you can live without her, the hell you are in right now is logical.
she is very mad at your carelessness. you are careless about what she thinks is important. im trying to show you her logic. you both are so charged and mad. and you are letting it out the wrong way. i think what adds it up is social pressure, work pressure, messed home responsibilities that make you clash every two seconds.. etc.
as much as you are listening to people on what you have to do, she as well is doing the same, and in my opinion this is the absolute wrong thing to do. not in these issues. family is a sacred thing and its nobody’s business. not even your parents. this is how you free yourself socially. and for God’s sake, who doesn’t have problems!! you didnt fail anyone, you are human, saints make mistakes.
tell her:” you are tired as much as i am, and its very unwise of us to make big decisions now, i really can’t understand how we got to think that divorce is possible, all the stupid things we did, no one will solve it for us, we dont need anyone we should face it together, its our family and this family is the most important thing in my life, you are the most important person in my life, don’t worry, everything should be fine, but we need to rest, its been like a circus and we dont need anything or anyone to come between us, we are ok, i promise, i will change and i wont put you down again. just lets try to solve it our way”.
she wont say a word. she would be releasing pain (its important), no words. its normal. she might blame you. 3adi, take it.
when she says all she wants, tell her, lets take a rest and send the kids, and plan a small separate vacation to relax. tell her you need it and i need it. without the kids and work. well if you got to go to the vacation together, you would have made it. the keyword: be caring for her being, not the sanity of kids.
smile and be friendly especially to intruders, and listen but dont consider anything her/your family say.. its all bullshit.
keep us posted.
July 10, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Tala, you’re being too harsh on me for some unknown reason.
I do realize that you’re trying to help. I wish I could tell you the lengths I’ve gone to to make her happy and mend whatever is going on. But I’m failing miserably
December 13, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Thanks!,
April 15, 2009 at 5:38 pm
After reading through this article, I just feel that I really need more info. Can you share some more resources please?
April 22, 2009 at 6:52 am
I can tell that this is not the first time at all that you mention this topic. Why have you chosen it again?